You’d think people would learn.

…yes, you’d think that after thousands of years of women having babies, people would finally learn what is and isn’t appropriate to say to a pregnant woman – this amazing specimen of a human being who sacrifices her body to complete the miraculous work and privilege of growing and carrying and nurturing a human being until it is ready to make its debut into the world.

…but NO.

Billions of pregnancies later, people are still thoughtless and sometimes downright stupid.

While we mourn the loss of our waistline and favorite clothes, the view of our toes, and the steadily (or should I say rapidly?!) climbing numbers on the scale, these people demonstrate a complete lack of filter, consideration, or even close-to-appropriate human being-to-human being interaction.

A woman’s body is not open for discussion… so what I want to know is:
Why is a pregnant woman’s body an appropriate topic of conversation?

Pregnancy is not a spectator sport.
It’s an extremely personal, meaningful, and unique experience for each woman who is blessed by the gift and privilege of growing and carrying a human being from the beginning of its existence. It is also extremely challenging, a great sacrifice affecting every aspect of life as she’s ever known it.

Just when we were feeling confident in our new curvy body, these big-mouths make us feel like a frickin’ moose.
Just when we thought the world was a beautiful place to bring our precious child in to, we are reminded of the rampant stupidity and challenges that await our children thanks to a seemingly rapid decline in human intelligence and consideration.
And just when we thought we could live our lives without having our body shape, changes, size, or weight commented on (how dare could we have assumed this?!), we realize we were completely wrong. We must not, after all, be a human being to be respected, but rather a walking (waddling?) spectacle.
The positive side?

Can one be found?
If so ladies, in addition to the laughter some of the ridiculousness brings us (when we’re not crying), it’s this:

We’re not alone.

With each new baby comes a new story that we as women can share with each other and say, “I feel your pain.”

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I counted 21 other friends who were pregnant at the same time, and just as many who had, in recent months, given birth. Because of these and other women in my life, each time I’ve shared my exasperation at being on the receiving end of these unwelcome comments, I’ve immediately been met with support, understanding, and welcomed into a club of those who have gone before me and who know the pain of this sometimes downright thoughtlessness while in the midst of one of the greatest challenges of life.

Most of the time, we’ve been able to turn the tears and frustration to laughter as we realize we’re not alone, and agree that some people…
well…
they’re just stupid.

I thank God for these women.
These are their stories.

Introducing: Things People Say.

A man came into the bank and said he needed help.
As I walked away in front of him he first commented on how nice my backside looked and how I did not look pregnant.
Strike one.
As we walked to my desk he said I was the most beautiful pregnant woman he’d ever seen. He then stated he had never been with a pregnant woman, and asked if my husband found me attractive like “this.”
(All while discussing his and his wife’s bank accounts.)
– Heather

“You still have 5 weeks left?? That baby is going to weigh 15 lbs by then!”
– submitted by Jenifer

“How much longer do you have to go?”
“THREE MONTHS?! You’re going to be HUGE!!”
– submitted by Elle

“Excuse me, your belly is laying on my head.”
– submitted by Becca, massage therapist

“WHOA!! You shouldn’t be out and about!”
– submitted by Allie

“You know, some men find pregnant women attractive.”
Husband, “Like who?”
“Well apparently not you!”
– submitted by Mary

Stranger at the dentist office when I was three months post-partum.
“When are you due?”
“Three months ago.”
– submitted by Leslie

(As people are trying to count my children)
“You know how this happens, right?”
– submitted by Chrissy

I had a patient tell me when I was expecting that he felt women were most attractive when they were pregnant.
His exact words were “plump and voluptuous.”
I nearly fell trying to waddle my very pregnant ass away from him as quickly as I could!
– Jac

“You look like you could pop any day!”
(when in reality, you have a month or two to go)
– submitted by Liz

When expecting #4, I got the “Wow you have your hands full” line all the time!!
“Yes, I love it that way!”
– submitted by Kelly

“Mrs. __, did you know you’re getting fatter?”
– submitted by Jordan

“I think you’ll end up having another c-section. You’re kind of crazy for thinking otherwise.”
– submitted by Heather

A lady says, “You must be having a boy.”
“No, I’m having a little girl.”
She says, “OH MY GOSH that’s a HUGE girl.”

…She was 6 lbs 2 oz at birth.
– submitted by Courtney

The other day Trey and I had to take a customer of his in our vehicle… On the way there, something was mentioned about me being pregnant and this guy looks at me and says “Congratulations!”
He then looks at Trey and says “I assume you’re the father?”
Trey said he was, and the guy goes, “Congratulations to you too then… I guess.”
– submitted by Shawna

While wearing an orange shirt:
“You look like a giant pumpkin.”
– submitted by Amy

Every time I walked into church, an older man said to me, “Large and lovely!”
– submitted by Elizabeth

“Ooooooh girl, you gettin’ pregnant aaaalll ova’!”
“Why, that is so thoughtful of you to say!”
– submitted by Sarah

“I hadn’t noticed your swelling until now.”
– submitted by Melinda

When we found out number three was a girl (and even now when I say I have three daughters), we hear, “Aren’t you going to try for a boy?” as if there is something wrong with having only girls.
And it wasn’t until I got pregnant with #3 that I started hearing, “Are you done now” and “Don’t you know what causes that?”
– submitted by Laura

I’m a hairdresser, and it was early in the pregnancy; the first time I’d seen this client again since I told her I was pregnant. She asked how I was feeling and I told her I was feeling ok.
She responds with, “Your face is looking much fuller.”
I looked her square in the eyes and said, “I’m really self conscious about it.”
We spent the rest of the appointment in awkward silence.
– submitted by Samantha

I overheard as my husband asked my father-in-law to guess baby’s due date, weight, and length.
“Well, Elizabeth is lookin’ pretty healthy, so I’m guessing a big baby!”
– submitted by yours truly

“Are you sure there aren’t 2 in there?”
– submitted by Jenifer

Told a lady at work who swore over and over again by the shape of my belly (even when I was hardly showing) that we had had our ultrasound and she was wrong – we’re having a girl.
“Well, so-&-so thought she was too, but then she had a boy!”
-submitted by yours truly

While at the grocery, “Daaaaaamn, girl… you need a daddy for DAT baby?!”
– submitted by Becca

“How much weight have you put on?”
– submitted by Jenifer

“My husband and I were just talking about how funny it is – the way you waddle now!”
-submitted by yours truly

A man at my church looked at me and said,
“Man, you look miserable! You’ve got to be getting close!”
I was actually feeling really beautiful until he said that. I was 41 weeks.
– Allie

“Oh, you are pregnant, I thought your hips were just spreading.”
– submitted by Leslie

While pregnant with child 2 or 3:
“I don’t remember you being this big with your first pregnancy.”
-submitted by Liz

Three weeks postpartum:
“Aww, how far along are you?”
“Negative three weeks.”
“I don’t understand…?”
– submitted by Becca

Random man at Wal-Mart, “You’re about to pop!”
I was 6 months pregnant.
– submitted by Jordan

“You shouldn’t wear purple, you look like Grimace from McDonald’s.”
– submitted by Heather

Overweight male coworker,
“Wow, when are you due? Your belly is huge!”
“I’m due next month. When are you due?”
He got offended. Oops.
– submitted by Leslie

“I don’t want to offend you, but are you pregnant?”
Explained I was 30 weeks pregnant.
“Oh, okay, I wasn’t sure if you were or just a little overweight and I didn’t want to be rude.”
– submitted by Liz

A very old lady was behind me in the check out line…
“How far along are you?”
“30 weeks.”
She looked down at my hand (no ring) and says, “Well bless your heart do you know who the Daddy is? Is he gonna be helping you?”
I explained that we were together and both very happy about our daughter.
She then says “Well you tell him to make you an honest woman then, you know how that looks.”
…Too bad you can’t punch a 150 year old lady in the mouth.
–  Shawna

“You’ll never have sex again.”
(Yeah right… maybe you didn’t!)
– submitted by Jordan

While pregnant with #3, “Is this your first?”
No, it is my third.
“Oh wow, you have your hands full!”

And when they hear I already have two boys, “I bet you are hoping this one is a girl?”
Actually, I’m just praying for a healthy baby!
– Liz

“Your boobs are ginormous!”
– submitted by Amy

Less than a week after I gave birth to the twins a lady at the pediatrician (who has a little one) says, “Oh you have twins (clearly newborns) and one on the way?” As she touches my still existing but half the size pregnant belly.
– Shelby

“Are you done after this one?”
…as if I shouldn’t be excited to have a kid!
– submitted by Elizabeth

I had a client in August ask me when I was due.
I told her October 7.
She laughed in my face and said, “No way you’re making it ‘til October!”
…I had her on October 7th!
– Samantha

Okay… you can breathe now. 
(And unclench.)

What’s crazy is, even when we’re not pregnant anymore, haven’t been for a while, or – as evidenced by this encounter as shared by a girl I work with – have never been pregnant, we’re still not immune:

“When are you due?”

                                             “…I’m not pregnant.”

Try not to be offended if you realized while reading this that you may be guilty of having said these or similar things to a mom or mommy-to-be.
(Obviously there has already been enough offense for one day, thank you.)

Instead, use this as an educational experience, and the next time you see a pregnant woman, or a woman who you think just might be pregnant… if those questions or comments are dying to explode off your tongue, do this:

Tell her she looks beautiful.